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1、英文搞笑话剧剧本《孔雀东南飞》
2、焦仲卿Johnny(Jforshort)刘兰芝Lunch(Lforshort)
3、焦母Johnny’smother(JMforshort)刘母Lunch’smother(LMforshort)
4、太守之子Mayor’sson(MSforshort)强盗Burglars(ABandC)
5、Prologue
6、(J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪)
7、J:EverybodysaysthatI’mhenpecked,butinfact,I’masstrongasatiger,(小声)whilemy
8、wifeisWuSong.
9、(指着上台处的门大声道)I’mnotafraidofyou!
10、(内砸出一脸盆,J接住当成盾牌护着头)Then,I’mafraidofwhom?
11、MywifeLunchisthemostfamouswomanintheneighbor-hood.Sheisbraverthanme,
12、smarterthanmeandstrongerthanme.AllthisIdonotcare.Ionlywanthertobetender
13、thanme.Butsheisnot!Havingawifelikethisisjustlikelivinginthehell!
14、(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J)
15、MyGod!Whocanhelpme?(下)
16、Act1
17、(序幕结束时,JM作窃听状)
18、JM(拄拐棍上):Ican!
19、(对门内)Lunch!Lunch!Whereareyou?
20、L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’mhere!What’supmum?
21、JM:I’vetoldyouagainandagainthatyoushouldcallme“mymostbeautifulgracefuland
22、dearestmother-in-law”.
23、L:OK.Mymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother-in-law,what’sup?
24、JM:Sinceyoumarriedmysonyouhavebehavedsobadly.Youhavebeensorude,sobrusque,so
25、lazy……
26、L:But……
27、JM:Neverinterruptme!
28、L:Neverinterruptme!SinceImarriedyourson,thatterribleJohnny,Ihavebeenworkinghardall
29、daylong,cookingandwashing.Ihaveraisedtensofthousandsofpigsandducksandchicken
30、and……
31、JM:Butallthoseyouhavedonearenotasvaluableasagrandson!
32、L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh,youwantagrandson,don’tyou?(开始解围裙)Goandaskyour
33、son.I’mleaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下)
34、Act2
35、(LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上)
36、L:Mum,I’mback!
37、LM:Youareback?Why?Whathappened?
38、L:Iwaskickedoutbymymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother–in-law.
39、LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See!Ihavealreadytoldyou!Whenyouinsistedon
40、marryingthatterribleJohnny,Itoldyouthatheisuglystupidandpoor,butyoudidnotlisten
41、tome.Lookatyourself……
42、L:But,mum……
43、LM:Neverinterruptme!
44、L:Mum,I’mnotinterruptingyou.IjustwanttotellyouthatyouarealwaysrightOK?And
45、I’llmarrywhomeveryouwantmeto.
46、LM(大喜):Nicegirl!Justnow,Imetthemayor’ssoninthemarket.Hesaid:“Ifyoudaughter
47、Haven’tbeenmarried,Ireallyreallywanttomarryher!”Nowyouarefreeagain,I’llgo
48、andtellhim.(下)
49、L(惊愕):What?Themayor’sson?Themostfamousplayboyintheneighbor-hood?(手中的锅
50、铲掉在地上)WhatasillythingIhavedone!(下)
51、Act3
52、(J睡眼惺忪上)
53、J(边走边道):Lunch!Lunch!Wherearemysocks?
54、(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)Heretheyare!(闻一下) Er!Howsmelly!Theyarestilldirty!
55、(突然想起)Lunchhasgone!Ihavetowashthemmyself.
56、(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)Oh,I’msohungry!Butthere’snobreakfast!(捡起地上的围
57、 裙)ThisiswhatLunchalwayswears!Imisshersomuch,andherexcellentcookingskill!Now
58、shehasgone.Ihavetocookformymotherandmyself.
59、JM(上):Where’smybreakfast?Where’sLunch?Hasn’tshegotupyet?
60、J:Mum,can’tyouremember?Lunchhasgone!
61、JM(沉吟片刻):Well,totellyouthetruthJohnny,asonwithoutawifeisuseless.Lunchisanice
62、girl,goandtakeherback!
63、J(立正敬礼):Yesmadam!
64、Act4
65、(J开心地走着,忽然跳出来三个强盗)
66、A:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!
67、Theroadisbuiltbyme!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)
68、B:AndIplantedonetree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)
69、C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---(欲踩石头,但踩到了A的脚)
70、AB&C:Giveusallyourmoney!
71、J(搜遍了每一个口袋,掏出1角硬币):Is1maoenough?
72、(三强盗晕倒状,接着三人聚在一边商量)
73、A:Whatbadluck!Thisguyisbroken!
74、B:Ifwecannotrobanymoneytoday,wewillhavenothingtoeattonight!
75、C:Iheardthatthemayor’ssonisgoingtomarryMissLiuLanzhinextmonth.WEcangoand
76、robthewedding!
77、A&B:Goodidea!
78、J(惊讶):What?What?Lunchisgoingtogetmarried?It’simpossible!
79、AB&C:Why?Aprettygirlandarichman,whatagoodcouple!
80、J:ButLunchismywife!Wehaven’tgotdivorcedyet!
81、(突然有了主意)I’vegotanidea!Youaregoingtorobthewedding,don’tyou?I’llgo
82、 withyou.YoutakethemoneyandItakethebride.
83、B:Haveyougotanyexperience?
84、J:No.ButI’vegotthis!(J脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票,上书$1,000,000)
85、Act5
86、(转眼已到了婚礼之期.MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上,J盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)
87、(J和三强盗跃至台中)
88、ABC&J:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!
89、A:Theroadisbuiltbyme!
90、B:AndIplantedonetree.
91、C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---
92、J:Giveusallyourmoney!
93、(L听到J的声音,掀起了盖头)
94、L(惊喜万分):Johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到J的身边并躲到了的身后)
95、(MS大怒,挥拳向J打来.J矮身一躲,MS打中了J身后的L,L晕倒)
96、J(火冒三丈):Howdareyoubeatmywife!(挥拳向MS冲去)
97、(J与MS混战,JM上,以拐杖击晕MS)
98、(J将MS胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)
99、J(扶起L,关切地问):Honey,howareyou?
100、L(哭状):Ihurtalot!
101、J:Don’tcrybaby.I’llgoandfetchthemedicine. (下)
102、L(起身去追):Waitforme! (跑下)
103、(音乐起 CanYouCelebrate)
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